Tag Archives: Momma Reading

12.6.12

I don’t suppose it is much of a secret that The Daddy and I are not done with our family, and I don’t suppose it is much of a secret that we would like to add a daughter to our family.  The Daddy and I have been in agreement on adding to our family via adoption since before we were married.

In the spring, after this temporary work assignment is done for The Daddy and once we move to our evermore location in Missouri we will be applying to be foster-to-adopt parents.  Actually we applied, were approved (paper application and background checks) to training for fostering in Iowa, attended our first meeting and were scheduled for classes, however that is when we were notified we were “up for a move” (this move we are in the middle of right now).  So sadly we stopped training.  We did not know just when our move would happen, we were sure we would not have time to wait for a placement, have a placement long enough to move towards adoption and complete an adoption; we did not feel right accepting a straight foster placement either, with no end date and the concern over disrupting a stable placement for a child just because we were moving.

For now there is nothing for me to do, nothing goal directed that is.  So I am contenting myself with reading.   I am done with Another Place at the Table; and have The Connected child on hold, and waiting for it to arrive at my local library branch.  Today I checked out Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish their Adoptive Parents Knew  and Our Own: Adoptin​g and Parenti​ng the Older Child by Trish Maskew

I have also found a couple of blogs I am reading up on – nothing like feeling “there are people out there walking the walk we feel called to walk”.

 

 

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looking for books to read

Thinking about growing our family again, actually chomping at the bit to start.

Soon it will be time to add to our family again, and I am so excited.  The Daddy and I agreed we wanted to add to our family by adoption before we even married; it is something that is very important to both of us.  The boys have been asking when they are getting a sister, why they do not have a sister and can we get a little girl for some time.  In last February we will be moving, finally, to ‘home’ for me.  We will live in the same town my Grand Pat and PaPa.  Once we are moved in The Daddy and I are going to apply to be foster parents and start the road to foster to adopt.

The foster to adopt road is a long one, and we know a difficult one.  We strongly that our family has something to offer and that there is a little girl out there waiting for us.

We can not apply till we are moved; so March of 2013.  In the mean time, I have created a long To Be Read list.  This list I have cobbled together from many sources; many of the International Adoption agencies I have looked at in the past have had suggesting reading lists, I belong to a couple of message boards and yahoo groups where I have noted all the recommended books that other “been there, done that” families have shared as useful, and I have been time searching amazon.com too.

This is not my complete list; but it is a start.  I will make a page on my bookshelf of my Adoption and Foster Care books; and I will add to that as I find more and study more.  This is my general list, I also have several books titles save that address tran-racial adoption, deaf adoption, children with serious attachment issues (like RAD) and siblings or serious special needs and their impact on the family.

All of these books can be found on amazon.com.  I however will be working my way though the list at the library; I love the ability to request books they do not have on their shelves.  There is realistically no way I will read this whole list, but I continue to add to it so that I have as many resources as possible.

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Parenting with Love and Logic; a review

I just read Love and Logic and have to say I was wholely unimpressed.  I started out with a fundamental difference of opinion with the authors with in the first few pages, and that – at the very root – maybe part of my thoughts on the entire book.

The authors begin their discussion of “the grand responsibility of parenthood’ by stating that kids today, post 9/11 and Katrina, are “growing up faster than we did” (32).  First of all, how trite can you be?  Every generation since Cain and Able has said that.  More importantly however is my founding belief that children and teens are growing up faster today simply because parents do not want to parent and want to be absolved of their responsibility as soon as they can be.  It is my view, our view here in this home, that children need to be children (yes even at 10 and 14 and so on) and that it is a basic parent duty to make sure they not only get to be kids, but that they stay kids even as they strain to grow up.  Ten year olds today are still ten year old and need to be damming creeks and catching frog, no ogling adult websites.  That falls to the parents and what they allow and facilitate; that is no different in 2012 then 1950 or 1912.  Thus I began the book with a solid difference of opinion with the authors.

I found the book an easy read, and even a timely reminder about picking my battles and using cooperative language rather than confrontive language (“should you can play outside, right after you pick up the books” rather than “no you are not going outside till every book is put up”).  But that is really where my appreciation for the book ends.  I think we can all agree that the role as parents is to allow children to learn to make choices and decisions for themselves; but the key, to me, is that they have to be age appropriate choices.  I am the parent, I can see around the corner my kids can’t, I have to make some choices for them.  The authors pay lip service to keeping the choices the child get to make realistic then give example after example that are anything but realistic.

The examples used in the book were at best laughable and more realistically just plan dim-witted.  I’ll share my three favorite examples.  One:  the two year old making a mess and disrupting dinner (first of all, what do you expect Martha Stewart?) is told “you can eat nice or you can play on the floor”.  The idea being the child learns he or she can not disrupt the adult dinner (again, why did this couple have a child if they do not want their adult habits disrupted).  The authors state this child, hungry till breakfast; will soon learn to eat nicely at the table.   Secondly a six year old who doesn’t like to go to bed is given the “choice” of when to go to sleep and is still up playing in his room when the adults go to bed at mid-night.  The child is then awaken at 6 am (still in his clothing from yesterday) and told to get ready for school.  I have a six year old, and I know how plain ridicules this example is.  Finally an other school age child (say ten) is late getting ready for school, misses the bus and the parent tell him “I am not taking you spend the day in your room just like you are at school and do not bother me” and then the next morning sends the child off to school (assumablely on time) with no excuse note.  I am certainly not one to scoff at limits and consequences (see my post Obedience is Not a bad Word).  Nevertheless the examples are foolish and ill-advised to the point of being insulting to the reading parent; a parent trying to parent a real child not a fictional ‘parenting manual child’.

Here in the real world we do not have perfect ‘parenting book children” that walk away quietly when told “if you can’t talk nice to me, I won’t listen” and return 20 minutes later cheerful and never sass us again.  Here in the real world we are striving to raise real kids; and too many parenting books fail when the rubber meets the road.  There are good ideas in the book, but the authors make the same fundamental mistake most parenting authors do, they take their ideas too far.  There is very little good about going to extremes no matter what parenting style you are talking about.

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Ok, I admit it…

Ok, I admit it, I am an addict.

 

I have already posted TWO “to be read” pile posts about the stacks of books I have sitting around to be read.  I just hit the used bookstore and the library sale and I have another new (ok none are new) pile of books.  Yes I am an addict, the biggest issue is I have so many interest.  Youth Fiction, non-fiction parenting and child related subjects, and historical fiction just to name the top categories. (oh and this doesn’t touch the books on my kindle fire …..shhhhhhhhhhh)

 

https://scribinglife.wordpress.com/2011/12/25/even-more-books/

 

https://scribinglife.wordpress.com/2011/12/17/tbr-pile/

 

So here is a list of my newest additions to my TO BE READ pile (15 more):

 

(in no certain order)

 

The Book of Abraham 782 pages

 

Mary Barton 

 

Is Your Child’s Brain Starving.   I am frankly kinda afraid to read this one.

 

The Endless Steppe 

 

Shiva’s Fire 

 

Killing Lincoln

 

Is this your child.  560 pages   Another one I am actually kinda afraid to read.

 

Wicked.  Hubby took me to see this musical for an annervisery gift.  On our honeymoon we saw a show on Broadway and Wicked was across the street.

 

the times of their lives life. love. and death in plymouth colony 

 

Mistress of the Monarchy 

 

Kite Runner 

 

the golden goblet 

 

John Adams 

 

Midnight Magic 

 

Something More 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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It’s a wonderful life

I have a wonderful life.  I have found myself too focused on the many challenges and stressors of raising two boys (speech therapy, doctors’ appt, and diet restrictions) and I fear I might loose the joy of my life and children.  I have a wonderful life.  It is an oft repeated phrase but while the days are long, the years are painfully short.  Both my boys are weaned, and fully potty trained now.  They sleep most of the night (and some times the entire night) in their own room.  Big Brother is reading and Little Brother is sounding out CVC words even!

I am reading, Home By Choice.   It is a great inspirational, based on the Science of Attachment and the long term effects of infant attachment, read.  I am being reminded that as I race though the days of read-a-louds and crayons I am having a real impact on not only boy boys’ adult lives; but their marriages and their children in turn.  It is easy to get lost in the long days and forget how short the years really are.  As the days speed by with army men invading the kitchen, super hero throwing super villains into walls, snipers hiding under tables ready to ambush the unsuspecting, couch back jousting matches; it is hard to think about more than getting though school each day and keeping everyone alive.  That is when reminders like Home By Choice is so important.  I am not just dogging the boys, again, to pick up the army men in the kitchen after I step on my 5th one; I am teaching something much bigger: respect for others, care for personal belonging, kitchen safety and responsibility; those are the things if you don’t make yourself stop and think, you’ll loose sight of.

Parenting is not what I expected; I suppose everyone says that.  There are some challenges with our two boys that I did not anticipate as I planned to welcome and raise your typical child.  But that is not what I mean.  I mean things like: I expected to be making cute faces with fruit and veggies for lunch, but I have one boy that panics at food and another that is just as happy to walk off with my plate.  I mean things like: I envisioned keeling down, looking my son in the face and saying “I don’t like that behavior, it is rude” and that “taking care of that” (hey that is what all the Gentle Discipline, Positive Parenting and Attachment books say, right?) and really some day I feel more like a NHL referee than Donna Reed.

It is too easy to get lost in chicken nuggets and craft projects and forget about the very real life long impact that our choices, our words and our behaviors have on our children’s lives.  We build them up, or tear them down; and up or down they remain for the rest of their life.  More so up or down they then tear their wives and children.

Night after night as I lay between them in bed for them to fall asleep a feeling of peace settles over us.  They both cuddle in as close as they can be, secure that their “base” is there and they can relax.  It is the only time they are still and quiet.  Many times I lay there, after they are asleep, pray over them, stroke their hair, listen to the breath, and just soak in the peace.  I have a wonderful life.

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even more books

I blogged about my TBR pile not too many days ago – then I went looking and, oops, I did not get all the books listed there that I have sitting here waiting on me. 🙂  So here are a few more for my list:

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan.  I got this book long before I knew there was a movie coming out (despite not reading The Help until the movie came out – but I will not see the movie).  I requested this off paperbackswap.com because it was on a a “if you liked the Help” list.  I did NOT love the Help, found it very predicatable, but at least it was / is adult fiction; even “chich lit” without being all about ripped bodices and steamy love affairs and deadly love triangles.  sigh, that I refuse to read.  I hope Snow Flower is decent; if nothing else the books are always better.

The Plantation Mistress; woman’s world in the old South.  

The Sensory Sensitive Child.   

The Canning Season.   A Newberry Honor Book. 

The Virgin Blue  

Loving Each One Best : A Caring and Practical Approach to Raising Siblings   

The Magical Worlds of Narnia   I desire Magical World of Narnia Activity Book  to go along .  Some of the revives of this books are pretty harsh, it the turn out to be accurate also – then at least there is no big $ loss since I got it on paperbackswap and I’ll simple re-list it.  Either way the active book can’t be anything but cool ideas.

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TBR pile

TBR pile — to be read.  eveyone has a pile, a shelf, a stack (many piles, many shelves).  Let’s talk about them.

I LOVE BOOKS, I LOVE TO READ.  IT IS A PASSION OF MINE.  I am a classic bookworm, that is a bibliophile a lover of books, not to be confused with The Bookworm, a villain on the 1960’s batman show.  Everyone that knows me, or reads my blog knows this.

A few past posts to looks at to see what I mean:

As part of this love affair with books, with the written word, I am always on the look out for books – bargain tables, paperbackswap.com, library sales and so on.  Eventually I end up with stacks of books sitting around I truly want to read, but have not yet gotten to.  The piles grow, the piles shrink as I buckle down and read my collection; then grow again; many books waiting in anticipation for my attention.

Today looking for a certain book, I realized my ‘unread pile’ was again getting out of control; or at least unwieldy.  I realized, or at least think, I have books on my shelves waiting for my notice that I still have on my “wish list” (my grand list of books I have read about, heard about, or encountered and though “gee I want to read THAT” – on the master list they go).  So it is again time to buckle down and read the amassed books sitting here waiting for me.

So here goes, here is a list of the books I currently have waiting for me:

So there you have it, the ‘stack” awaiting me.  Time to dive in huh?

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