A door gently closing

I hear a door swinging shut; I am watching it.  It has not closed yet, and it is not slamming, more of a lazy screen door drifting shut on a summer night.  Nonetheless it is closing, and while if you rush you could, maybe, slip your fingers in and grab it as it hangs there, before it latches, it is closing.

Seasons of my life are changing; the baby stage is over.  My youngest is THREE and my older FIVE.  In 2005 when I first held that tiny almost blue 5 pound baby that struggled to latch and nurse there was no thought of a big five year old in my head.  I am now lost among superheroes and action games, gone are the days gazing and coo-ing. 

Today my three year old is certainly not a baby.  I am blessed that he is still nursing strong; several times during the day and most of the night.  He is still in diapers and only exploring the potty and demeaning to flush for everyone in the family (I don’t mind this, his brother did not potty train till after 4, but I am not going to call it a blessing in our lives).  He is starting to talk; he is stripping and putting his dirty laundry in the basket.  He can take things to the room requested and climb into his own car seat.  Answering questions and making choices, he is no baby.

Last night we took down the crib, and stored it in the basement.  Neither boy actually ever slept in the crib, but it still a definite milestone.  The crib was our awesome changing table, and both boys hung out there for safety when small.  Big Brother first thing in the day when I got dressed (he loved his mobile) and Little Brother when I needed a safe zone for him where Big could not grab him if I needed my hands free for a few minutes (usually to carry stuff up or down the stairs).  Slept in or not, taking it down after 5.5 years is unquestionably a hard transition, a startling one.  I w as actually surprised how big a transition it was for me, given neither boys used it, I as unprepared for my reaction.  Big Brother got up this morning and demanded “what happened, where the crib, why is it gone”.

I was thinking, last night, after dismantling the crib (safely stored in the basement).  The only baby clothing left in the house can be found in Memory Boxes.  The coming home outfits, the first Christmas outfits, the first hats, all packed up, labeled and in the appropriate boy’s box.  The only baby toys are likewise labeled and packed up for the boys when they get older (or more accurately their wives); the special ones the rest moved on to a family with twin boys 2 years younger than Little Brother.  All the baby clothing (24 months and smaller) have been passed along to the twins so they can be of use to a family and not just sit in tubs in my basement.  The highchair that Big Brother hated and Little Brother loved was sent to Goodwill this summer; same with the big play mat that used to go on the living room floor.  Swing, infant car seat, and bouncy seats also moved on to the twins and are now gone. 

My maternity clothing is all moved on to other moms that could use it.  All the small and medium cloth diapers have like wise been passed along to another mom (a great young mom that has a girl under one and is already expecting her next blessing) that can use them rather than being left unused in a drawer.  The large diapers will go to her too.  I still have all my carriers and I still use the MT constantly.  The sling I do not use, unless we baby-sit, but that I am keeping. 

I am glad that all of the baby items (toys, clothing, diapers) have maintained their usefulness in another home.  Nevertheless that means there is no baby stuff here; the crib was a dinosaur.  Now that is taken down too.  The door is almost shut.



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5 responses to “A door gently closing

  1. I donated both of my Boppies a few weeks ago and that was one of the hardest things, ever. I know just how you feel. The best consolation I can give you though, is that these are ages to cherish and enjoy JUST as much as babyhood. You will blink and they will be 10 and you will wonder where your snuggle-bunnies went. At 5, they can still sit in your lap and read. At 10, not so much. 😦

    There are new challenges and blessings everyday. There is something amazing and miraculous about seeing and holding that precious new human in your arms the first time, but there are joys just as huge along the way with older children too. The look on their face when they brave a big roller coaster the first time. The accomplishment they have after reading their first realllly big book (Harry Potter!)

    Seasons change, but that is life. I’m trying to embrace it, even though it is hard. Ending that baby season reminds me of my own mortality too. Definitely hard.

  2. carolyn bledsoe

    Chickiepea, good comments! As a grandma, I can tell you that every season you experience is better than the one before it. It is such joy to watch your children grow and learn and mature. Before you know it, they will be in college, then married, and viola!!! You’ll have precious babies again, this time in the form of grandchildren, who are as special as your own when they were born. My daughter even nursed her own grandson, when his Mommy was late getting home, because she (my daughter) had a baby whom she was still nursing. So see, Aimee, it’s going to get better and better. Mourn what you’ve lost, don’t spend too long on it, and take joy in the coming events and experiences. Love you, girl!

  3. Crystal

    It sounds hard, knowing the “baby” stage is gone from your house. Do try to see the positive- there should soon be sleep in your future, the boys will soon be more independent, you will have the joys of home homeschooling, the joys of every stage to come. There is still so much to look forward to with parenting!

  4. Laura

    The future with your beautiful boys brings MANY blessings and adventures yet to discover. I know where your heart is and I cry for you but I know, (having a 20 yr old).. that the blessings only continue and grow. Love you.

  5. Auntie Roo

    Yes someday they will be married and maybe live in another state but they will still be your babies. Wish I could hold mine now

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